A month without you, Mom...

Death was just a way to pay condolence to someone who, now I feel, is bereaved completely. Though I lack the scientific evidences, death to me was always a soul leaving this body and getting mixed up with the unfathomable universe. Earlier, I wrote a dozen of poems about the souls, the life as an illusion and the darkness beyond this deluding life, all inspired from you, Mom. And now, am pragmatically facing it up.

Stanza by stanza!

Behold! After a long anticipation for miracles, He finally decided to cure you intrinsically. But this time, I am not at ease with His decision. And sadly, He never realized what we will undergo through. I am tired of faking that I am not hurt. And that I was not hurt. Each moment can be counted and I literally wait for the night to hide myself and these tears.

People come, conceal their smiles in their pockets and pat me. And their jobs, hence done! The consoling part of life after the death of someone who you love a lot is tough! And to be consoled is more aggravating, trust me.

Tuning to a melancholic melody!

Life was a cycle, and it is. But, still we foster this denial within ourselves. And this denial has encouraged me to say that it was too early! That we were still not prepared! That it’s a MONTH without you!

I laugh 

When this sun shines on me...

And wipe these tears...

When the moon says 

"No...

You are not alone..."

-Sanjeeta Sharma Pokharel "Hridayaninadini"

[Photo credits: http://grazu.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/melancholy.jpg and http://images.fineartamerica.com/images-medium-large/melancholy-of-autumn-monika-pachecka.jpg]

To the wind...

When this monsoon
Showers on me
And,
Drenches these dried-out memories
On this trail of Jungle
My eyes cry…
Silently…

Mom,
This wind seldom pampers me
Nor do these butterflies…
This warbler, just, chirped
And said…
Home is where my heart lies…

When this breeze-
Brings to me
The rays of the rising Sun
And gently ruffles this veil
Over the lake
And caresses these petals…
I silently wish…
I was one of them…

I find peace to be next to you,
When I dream of...
What-not-I-possess,
And wake up in reality,
Finding nothing in my world
I am in utter dismay…

Mom,
You won’t believe what
I underwent through
When you reclined- helpless,
On that iron bed,
Entangled in the tubes of hope…
I dreamt of you,
Valiantly breaking the chains…

When your breath
Left your pious body
Mom,
I wanted to be the wind…

When I saw that fire engulfing
Your soft face,
Mom,
I wanted to be the rain!

They said-
You are in heaven now,
And,
I felt your presence…

When this rain
Melts this heart,
I am sorry,
Mom!
For I can’t control
These tears…

Frozen and stiff!

Mom,
I had heard of deaths
And departures…
But,
This one is 
Too heavy for me!

I had saved-
Lots of surprises for you
Mom,
And
You were too clever…
I never realized!

You told me not to gain
This sympathy
From the mortals…
And 
I go bold against
This adversity!!

Death made you
Silent,
Mom,
Even on that bed of logs
You looked stunning!

I am scared
Of darkness...
And,
Mom...
I lost this candle... 

But when I behold...
The sky walking along
I know,
You are here
And
To the wind...

I speak!

...To my mom...

Who left this world...

On 13th May, 2013.

Sorry, it was not you!

You screamed

“Off, you go!”

When your eyes ignore

And my tears deny

This pain seems senseless…

How can I say…

I am hurt by your words?

You pacified

“Sorry…”

But when yours sorry passed-by

And I, as a lonesome beggar-

Your sorry paid no coins to me

How can I say...

Your apology healed me?

You turned-off

“Speechless!”

When these ears longed for,

Your words of care,

Blank, I stare at the sky…

How can I say…

I heard those unspoken words?

So I say,

Sorry, it was not you

Who… 

Hurt me

And healed me

And understood me!

Sorry, it was not you…

Sanjeeta Sharma Pokharel “Hridayaninadini”

10:30 pm, 28-04-2013

MTR-India

Under this open sky-

A thought-out-of-restlessness….

Photo credits:

www.paintingsilove.com

Surmounting...

Eternal, was nothing 
Over here!
Eternal, it will 
Never be!

In this village of voracity,
My folk,
Won’t stay with you
What you see….

Never shall halt this contentment…
Nor will halt this sorrow
Bravo! 
For you are climbing this ridge, 
Now, you must go down this furrow!

Tears may turn to smiles
And smiles shall drop as tears!
When...
You are yet to complete these miles
Unaccompanied you stand, in this company of fears!

Radiate your soul now,
For this soul shall remain the same,
And the bugles of battle shall trumpet,
You must end this never-lasting game…

Bear in this mind…

Permanent will never be this world!
Nor shall this sky!
So, worry not my folk
your cage is wide-open, yes…
Widen your wings and fly!!!

Sanjeeta Sharma Pokharel "Hridayaninadini"
28-04-2013-Mudumalai-India-1:50 pm
To my thoughts...

Photo-credits:
https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhs2dh76RJkuTuuT_yeUBuAy-7thJCPFPSrykZMxMx4mzMJex5wyj2ra9VvAvVGxFfyHUgrgBKv2CBAbC8aNsQHWtqaFA5rvsevZVjQsbF6K6YHUHtovNRV5UIeVpEbo8TSnqdP3aURiXY/s1600/let+me+fly.jpg

To the wind...

When this monsoon
Showers on me
And,
Drenches this dried-out memories
On this trail of Jungle
My eyes cry…
Silently…

Mom,
This wind seldom pampers me
Nor do these butterflies…
This warbler, just, chirped
And said…
Home is where my heart lies…

To the wind- I send this message...

Convey to my mom

I miss home...

The Lost Vanity!

As tall as that tree
She walked 
Majestic!

Her trunk touched
That stars
That bloomed on the acacia…

Her reflection
Revamped that stream
Yes,
She walked…
Majestic!

On this land 
Where lies her body
Abandoned!

That crow plucked out 
Her eyes…
And flew to the distant blue…

I wonder,
She must be observing it!

Vanity…
Is nothing…
If it’s of earth and sky!

And still,
You worry!

This mud was never yours!
And this air... 
You never owned!

Yes,
You touched the sky
And,
You must touch 
This earth…

The ash shall fly away…
Empty, 
Shall rest your hearth!

Sanjeeta Sharma Pokharel “Hridayaninadini”
Wrote this poem when saw this massive elephant resting dead midst the huge jungle!
4:49 pm-3/24/2013
Bandipur Tiger Reserve, Karnataka, India

Amrita

Just a word for all,
And blessed they are, 
Yes… 

From the untied shoelaces
To the talks of fates, 
Each of my words, 
A piece of your thoughts 

My tears, your kerchief 
My fall, your hand, 
My joy, your celebration 
My soul, your inspiration… 

Till the stars shall twinkle 
And so shall the fireflies, 
Your laughter will be heard, 
Your name will rise… 

Days will bless you, 
So shall the nights… 
Present shall whirl you, 
To the fame and lights… 

Here shall I die, 
Happily on this earth, 
Beneath this sky… 

Just to see you smiling…

Sanjeeta Sharma Pokharel "Hridayaninadini"
On your birthday Amrita :)
The 17th March :)

Did I just say- "Women" ?

I write no poems,
My folks...
A poetry can't define 
their emotions!

A word have never-ever
existed
to replace them!

And yes, you got
what I meant!

Sanjeeta Sharma Pokharel "Hridayaninadini"

On the eve of International Women's Day-2013

Land of no mansions!

For those who deny His existence,

Come and visit this hamlet
Where hangs no bell
No hymns that fills the ambiance
No chorus march forth and sing,
No eyes here long for your sacrament...

Miracles here brings
These crumbs of bread to feed on
These rags to wear for…
Every spring…

Worry not, my folk
Your money is safe, here
For they don’t demand it
To smile, in deed...

With a penny, they saved
Under this frozen firmament
No guard they need,
To guard their happiness...

Come and visit this hamlet
Where hangs no bell
For God needs no mansions
To live in,
On the worn-out curtains
That ruffles,
You will see His existence...

Sanjeeta Sharma Pokharel "Hridayaninadini"
2:55pm, 23rd Feb,2013, IISc
Dedicated to self-contentment!
Photo credits:
http://theamericanjesus.net/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/old-woman-praying1.jpg
http://www.artmajeur.com/files/atelierdima/images/artworks/650x650/6646984_freedom.jpg

The rueful reminiscence of romance…

When his eyes searched for her,

In that crowd of thousands,

She silently smiled,

And turned ignorant to his quest…

When he tried all his efforts,

To go and talk to her,

She admired his courage,

And faked to be hectic with her works…

When he praised the beauty in her,

About her eyes and her hairs,

She blushed, dear folk,

And rebuked him for flirting…

When he prayed for her success,

To win all the games, She was in-

She thanked him for his prayers,

And stayed away from his unconditional care…

But, now when she feel the same,

For his fathomless love,

Her eyes search for his shadow,

And he's gone…

She wish he was there...

She would have shown

The love she stored for him

In her yearning heart…

Sanjeeta Sharma Pokharel "Hridayaninadini"

Just an imagination...

11:53am/2/15/2013-IISc

Photocredit: http://www.facebook.com/pages/world-of-love-art-magic-and-fantasy/145955665493128

Outburst!

I can't define this pain,

To the world,

This pain-

Of no wounds and no scars,

The world-

Where they believe in

What they see…

Absurdity, in fact

The world is mean,

Mercenary, its people!

No doubt, it is

No doubt, they are!

To the world,

Where eyes are lured by

The half-price-sales

Not by the limbless man!

Lying helpless on the street…

Where homeless lies the hearts,

Of their parents,

And they donate trillions,

To gain applauds of thousands

I expect nothing

From this society

Of hypocrites…

Sanjeeta Sharma Pokharel "Hridayaninadini"
IISc-4:00pm-02-07-2013
All tired...Frustrated World!

Photocredits:
1.http://www.touchofart.eu/galeria/Mariusz_Lewandowski/Pain_mle46-v.jpg
2.http://mayhemandmuse.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/watercolor-portrait-painting-pain-woman-female-face-art-drip-color-emotion-eyes.jpg
3.http://designalmic.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/New-pop-2012-Painting-By-Patrice-Murciano-MY-ICC-MY-PAIN.jpg

© 2013 Sanjeeta Sharma Pokharel "Hridayaninadini"

When you smile...

Dad, these distant stars,

Seems no far,

When you smile…

Your gentle pat,

A magic potion

Concocted this valiance in us

To face all the adversities

Of this adverse world!

Dad, these distant stars,

Seems no far,

When you smile…

We won all the battles of mind,

Of no weapon and no blood,

The armor of your words

Did not let those bullet in

Triumphant, we stood…

Dad, these distant stars,

Seems no far,

When you smile…

Just the sparkle of your brilliancy,

We…

Glimmer, here and glitter, there

To spread this euphoria,

Just to see your smile

Yes, these distant stars,

Seems no far,

When you smile…

Sanjeeta Sharma Pokharel "Hridayaninadini"

On your birthday, baba

MRDG-IISc-11:20pm-1-28-2013

Photo credits for stars:

http://hdw.eweb4.com/out/750587.html

I fear!

I fear no darkness, Mom!

I fear no deadly beasts,

I fear not this frantic death,

I fear these barbarous fists!!!

-Sanjeeta Sharma Pokharel "Hridayaninadini"

2:00am, 1st January, 2013

To every women of the society!

© 2013 Sanjeeta Sharma Pokharel "Hridayaninadini"

Society!

Different,
It was never
The same blue sky!
And from that distant crowd
The weary wind
Spread the mist of mirth 
Everywhere!


But,
Far beyond, beneath 
That tree, stood she
Gazing at those stars
And those voyaging clouds
That wiped the tears 
Of the weeping moon


She thought-
Society will cheer, 
As they always did
They seldom cared
Who they missed!
They won’t 
And will never try 
To befriend your loneliness
Albeit!
They won’t forget
To mourn at your death!

Despite of,
That clapping and tapping noise
That perishable giggles and cries
That glaring glimer of fireworks
She stood silent
Beneath that tree…

A lake ahead
Unruffled and still
She threw that tiny pebble
And it rippled
“Ah!” She sighed
She personified
That lake as a society
And a pebble…!
[…the firecracker blew up]
Her thoughts,
Hence shattered…

The wind hushed-
But her face glowed
With that radiance 
Of flashing firecrackers…
With no smile on her face,
She goes off!

(C)Sanjeeta Sharma Pokharel "Hridayaninadini"

11:49 am, 12-27-2012-CES-IISc

A ripple of thoughts...

“…Friends!”

When you are left with no option- You become Friends, the best friends, in fact!

With this stretched lips

I grinned

And shouted ‘hello’

And she replied

“Shut up!”

Cheerless, but yes-

I was left 

With no option

I got mesmerized

By the splendor of that ‘sale’

And rushed into 

That shopping precinct

And was dragged out

-“Dare not fritter away your money!”

My collar in her hand

I had no option!

With that extremism 

Of lassitude- 

Yes, I declared in my empire!

And I valiantly dozed off…

And got kicked down on the floor

“Get up lazy bone; 

You are late for ‘the’ class”

And I had no option!

But, 

This December-

When gush of wind

Will whisper (Scream, in fact)

“Catch me, if you can…”

-With this mocking hilarity…

It will be me

And you will have no option!

…When I walk 

This lonesome way

You are always missed

I swear!

Not for those laughter

We jointly glued

On People’s face-

Who avowed that:

“You guys are not funny, at all!”

And they had no options!

But,

For these bags are heavily 

Burdened!

Had you been here, 

You would have 

Carried…

And I have no option!

You are the one with whom

I fear not,

To speak

About every frightening tales

Of life!

You are my best friend;

Other than this-

I have no option!!!

© 2012 Sanjeeta Sharma Pokharel "Hridayaninadini"

...Awakening: Go fearless!

No shackles can

Chain your dreams...

Nor, can they-

Imprison the rays of Sun,

Go fearless- my folk!

Sanjeeta Sharma Pokharel "Hridayaninadini"

Another trial with Sketch-o-photography!

...Awakening- Dreams!

Yeah, 

Nights shall creep in, 

my folk!

And it always does

Whilst,

They shall dream again-

Of lights

Let you be-

Awake

to amass the aura of 

those mid-night lamps...

-Sanjeeta Sharma Pokharel "Hridayaninadini"

A sketched thoughts!

2:50am, NGH-IISc,26th November,2012

An altruistic admirer...

I will seldom worry
For I never tried
Proving to these mortals-
That I am perfect-
I will never wonder 
Why their faulty eyes
And filthy hearts-
Rummage the same 
In me!

I will never endeavor-
To be the best for them
Oh my honest folk!
For,
Here in this massive earth,
There are some,
Who still admire
My adversity!


Yes,
Gratitude to leniency of
This grand God
That there are some,
Who still adore me!
The way I am
And I remember:

When I saw that
First sparrow perching
On the window pane-
And I babbled, yes… 
You came rushing
You understood 
My indescribable experience
And kissed my forehead…

When my clumsy legs
Ascended from the crawl
And I walked, yes…
The glittering streams of gladness 
Meandering down 
From your mighty eyes
Blessed me…
 
When my tiny fingers
Wrote this first letter
A-
Which from no angle
Looked alike-
Still!
You felt the brilliance
And praised me…
 
Your kisses worked
And here speak, I
These thousand words-
And the world listens,
They applaud…
 
Your tears worked
And here traverse, I 
These dense woods-
And chase the beam of Sun
Radiance, hence, spreads…
 
Your praises worked
And here write, I
These unseen arts- 
And describe the unnoticeable hue
Charms, hence, glorifies
 
So,
Expect from me-
No change for them,
For they love… 
This perfectionist in me!

And I worry
Not even a bit,
For there are some,
Who still love…
This child in me!

And I, too, love you… 
[My mom and Dad]

Sanjeeta Sharma Pokharel “Hridayaninadini”

Mom, Monsoon always inspires me

On your birthday, Mom

2:19 am, 5th November,2012, NGH-IISc

Photo credits:
1.http://www.adinnerguest.com/wp-content/uploads/animal-altruism03.jpg
2.(c)Sanjeeta